Sunday, October 12, 2014

Salami & Goat Cheese Appetizers. Low Carb & Classy as Hell.

Keto Diet Appetizers: Salami & Goat Cheese Finger Foods with Assorted Toppings

Salami & Goat Cheese Appetizer Finger Foods
Cilantro makes them look extra classy.
Laziness Rating: 9/10 (-1 for some light chopping
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 665 (332/serving)
Net Carbs: 5g
Protein: 34g
Fat: 56g

Recipe Type: Snack, Appetizer, Hors d'oeuvre
Prep Time: 5 min
Yields: 2 servings

I just want to start by saying that I'm proud as hell of these little guys. I haven't made a proper blog post in a while now. But I was struck by a bit of inspiration while careening through the grocery store this weekend. Of course, who wouldn't be inspired by the sight of a salami chub? Yes, it's literally called a chub. The salami and goat cheese were right near each other in the cooler. So maybe the word "inspiration" might be pushing it. But they're goddamn delicious, nonetheless.

I really like the juxtaposition of low-class salami with high-class goat cheese. I figure they cancel each other out and make a medium-class appetizer. But let's be honest, the presentation value looks fantastic. Like 5-star Yelp review classy. Like "excuse me sir, a jacket is required at this country club" classy.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

4 Quick & Delicious Low-Carb Snacks for Keto Dieters

4 Simple Low-Carb Snack Ideas for the Ketogenic Diet

Blue Diamond Habanero BBQ Almonds
Habanero BBQ almonds: Nuts of the Gods.
Laziness Rating: 10/10
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review

Calories: Varies
Net Carbs: Under 5g each
Recipe Type: Snack
Prep Time: 01 min

You'll rarely find recipes with a coveted 10/10 laziness rating. Pretty much every meal requires at least a little bit of preparation. But today, we've hit a new low. If you're like me, you probably hate chopping, mixing, and stirring ingredientsEspecially when all the food just ends up in your stomach in a matter of minutes anyway. But since the following foods are snacks, rather than actual recipes, they require nothing of youno effort, time, or preparation. Congrats, you've officially reached the pinnacle of gastronomic apathy. Here are 4 delicious and super-lazy snack ideas that have been essential during my last 12 months (and -62 lbs) on the ketogenic diet.

1. Blue Diamond BOLD Flavored Almonds

Habanero BBQ almonds bag
Sometimes I pour several gallons
in a tub & just swim with them.
Let me start by saying that I find plain almonds to be disgusting. They're bland and have a weird texture. So if you're like me, you may have dismissed the idea of snacking on almonds long ago. But I'm here to tell you that the BOLD flavored almonds from Blue Diamond are a fucking culinary masterpiece.

I buy these almonds every week by the pound (literally 16oz bags) and eating them has become the highlight of my day. Each almond is covered liberally with flavored dust that sticks to your fingers when you eat them. They sort of remind me of those flavored pretzel pieces from Snyder's; they're just as tasty, except low carb, high fat, and high fiber.

Blue Diamond apparently offers a bunch of different flavors, which is great if you want to mix up your snacks a bit. Try them all until you find your favorites. I highly recommend the Habanero BBQ, Jalapeno Smokehouse, and Wasabi & Soy Sauce flavors. Each serving is 28 nuts (a decent handful) and has 23 net carbs, depending on the flavor:
  • Habanero BBQ | Jalapeno Smokehouse170 cal; 15g fat; 6g protein; 2g (net) carbs
  • Wasabi & Soy Sauce | Honey Dijon170 cal; 15g fat; 6g protein; 3g (net) carbs
Just be careful not to devour too many in one sitting. The calories and net carbs can add-up very very quickly (170 calories x 6 handfuls = destroying your daily MFP goals). But trust me when I say they're worth every single calorie and carb inside them. You can find these in various sizes and flavors at most grocery and convenience stores. But the bulk sizes are a much better value than the cans. You should just buy the 1lb bags directly from Amazon.

Blue Diamond Almond Flavors
BOLD almonds - try to catch them all. I've still never spotted the Honey Dijon flavor in the wild.

Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Sriracha Hot Sauce Tuna Salad Volcano (Ketogenic)

Ketogenic Sriracha Tuna Fish Salad Volcano Recipe

Ketogenic Sriracha Tuna Fish Salad Volcano Recipe
How about a little tuna salad with your Sriracha?
Laziness Rating: 8/10 (-2 for prepping ingredients)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 669 (335/serving)
Net Carbs: 5g (3%)
Protein: 52g (31.5%)
Fat: 48g (65.5%)

Recipe Type: Snack, Main Course, Tuna, Salad
Prep Time: 10 min
Yields: 2 servings

My last tuna-inspired keto recipe was a spicy tuna/guacamole combo. I thought it would be a crowd-pleaser over at /r/ketorecipes. But for some strange reason, my spicy guacamole tuna salad didn't get the fanfare it deserved. Now some bloggers may have just thrown in the towel after a recipe flop - but not me! Nope. I went back to the ketogenic drawing board to mount a glorious comeback! Sure, tuna salad isn't as sexy as other keto-friendly recipes like PB bread or ketogenic chocolate mug cake. But KetoFlu.com doesn't do sexy recipes. It does lazy, all-American low-carb foods that taste like heaven. Plus this has f'ing Sriracha in it!

Feast your eyes on the Sriracha Tuna Fish Salad Volcano. It's a mound of mayonnaise-drenched tuna fish with a well of delicious Sriracha hot sauce inside. If you don't love this recipe, you'd better check your pulse.

Monday, August 5, 2013

Low-Carb Spicy Guacamole Tuna Salad Recipe - Nom Nom Nom!

Low-Carb Spicy Guacamole Tuna Salad Recipe (Ketogenic)

Ketogenic spicy guacamole tuna salad recipe
It may not look beautiful, but it sure as hell tastes it.
Laziness Rating: 9/10 (-1 for draining tuna cans)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 777 (389/serving)
Net Carbs: 7g (4%)
Protein: 55g (31%)
Fat: 58g (65%)

Recipe Type: Main Course, Tuna, Salad
Cooking Time: 10 min
Yields: 2 servings

This recipe should be a real Keto crowd-pleaser. The mixture of mayonnaise and guacamole makes it an unbelievable source of fat. Find yourself not quite getting all the fat you need to hit your daily macros? No f-ing problem! Just mix up some of this spicy guacamole tuna salad and you'll be golden. Oh, and did I mention it comes damn close to hitting the ketogenic 60/35/5 macro?

If you're interested in making your own low-carb guacamole from scratch, this isn't the recipe for you. This relies on pre-packaged Sabra guacamole. But if you're looking to whip up a delicious and dead-simple meal, give this baby a try.  Foods that are high in fat help fill you up and keep you satisfied longer. Listen, we're all craving carbs. But there's no need to cheat when you can make simple high-fat foods with just a few simple ingredients.

Some of you might think, oh no, this recipe needs celery, or onions, or sweet pickle relish. Shut up; no it doesn't. The point of this blog is make ketogenic food that is quick, easy, and tasty. I figure, why spend an extra 10 minutes chopping veggies when you don't have to? Screw that. So enjoy a guacamole tuna salad recipe that keeps it really damn simple. Here's the meal's actual calorie macro:
  • Fat: 65%
  • Protein: 31%
  • Carbs: 4%

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Spicy Seasoned Haddock Fillets Topped with Guacamole (Keto)

Spicy Seasoned Haddock Fillet with Guacamole (Keto-Friendly)

Ketogenic Diet Haddock Recipe with Guacamole
In hindsight, this dish could probably use a vegetable or two...
Laziness Rating: 9/10 (-1 for fishy smell in kitchen)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 423
Net Carbs: 8g
Protein: 67g
Fat: 11g

Recipe Type: Fish, Dinner
Cooking Time: 11 min
Yields: 1 serving

This meal is real simple. The guacamole is pre-packaged and the fish only takes a few minutes to cook. This recipe is fool-proof - even for the laziest of low-carb dieters. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fan of making my own keto-friendly guacamole. But sometimes I want to hammer down some avocados without having to peel and pit them myself. Thankfully, the ketogenic gods invented Sabra Guacamole. It's absolutely f'ing delicious. And more importantly, it will stay fresh in your fridge until the seal is opened. Their guac has 2 net carbs per serving and I promise it's worth it.

Easy recipes like this one serve their purpose. If you'd rather spend more time eating your food than cooking it, this recipe is for you. Throw some spices on the fish - cook it - then scoop on some guacamole. Seriously, it's that simple. Stop being so lazy and see the full recipe below.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

Beef Sirloin Stir Fry with Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms, & Avocado Chunks

Keto Beef Sirloin Stir Fry with Peppers, Onions, Mushrooms, & Avocado Chunks

KetoFlu.com Beef Sirloin Stir Fry
Some say Avocado makes everything better
Laziness Rating: 7/10 (-3 for chopping veggies)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 1,025 (512 per serving)
Net Carbs: 23g
Protein: 72g
Fat: 66g

Recipe Type: Dinner, Stir-Fry
Cooking Time: 20 min
Yields: 2 servings
There are a million different ways to prepare beef and all of them end up with the same thing: a juicy slab of meat. But not all of us know how to braise or pan-sear beef without ruining a few pieces first. Fortunately, tossing all your ingredients into the skillet is a super easy way to cook meat (and veggies) for a keto-friendly stir fry.

You can vary the types of meat, veggies, and spices used to create a million different stir-fry combinations. Experiment with spinach, eggs, asparagus, jalapenos, almonds, bacon, artichokes, hot sauce, whatever. This recipes keeps it simple. It also includes some avocado chunks to increase the fat and make it more ketogenic friendly. The 23 net carbohydrates may be higher than you're used to. But as long as you don't cheat before or after your meal, these carbs won't kick you out of ketosis. Even if you happen to eat both servings yourself (like I did). Remember, the veggies add valuable nutrients like B-Vitamins, Fiber, Potassium, and Vitamin C.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Spicy Bison Burgers with Jalapeño Peppers & Habanero Cheddar Cheese

Spicy Bison Burgers with Jalapeño Peppers & Habanero Cheddar Cheese

Ketogenic Spicy Bison Burger
The spicy ranch dressing adds taste and style points.
Laziness Rating: 8/10 (-2 for mixing raw meat & cheese)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 949
Net Carbs: 3g
Protein: 99g
Fat: 62g

Recipe Type: Burgers
Cooking Time: 15 min
Yields: 2 servings (½ lb patties)

Not all meats are created equally. I believe there's a very clear meat hierarchy. And without a doubt, beef sits atop that hierarchy as the most delicious and versatile meat on any menu. But part of my mission with this blog is to explore recipes using the rest of the meat hierarchy as well. Just to be clear, the universal meat hierarchy goes:
  1. Beef
  2. Pork
  3. Lamb
  4. Fish
  5. Duck
  6. Turkey
  7. Chicken
Meat nutrition comparison table
Nutrition comparison table.
So where does bison fit in that meat hierarchy? I'm not quite sure yet. I'll probably need to collect more (delicious) data before I can confidently rank it. Maybe others already have an opinion? Bison is a delicious and healthy alternative to regular beef. Both meats share a similar taste and texture, but bison has fewer calories, less fat, less cholesterol, and more vitamins that regular beef. While the Ketogenic Diet calls for many high-fat foods, bison meat is a great choice for those (like me) who are carefully counting calories to lose weight.

This recipe for bison burgers includes mixing-in jalapeño peppers and habanero cheese. This adds a nice spicy kick to the already delicious bison. But careful, trying this recipe may cause bison to shoot to the top of your own meat hierarchy. Enjoy!

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Spicy Italian Sausage Scramble with Peppers, Onions, & Cheese

Spicy Italian Sausage (Egg) Scramble with Peppers, Onions, & Cheese

Keto-Friendly Spicy Italian Sausage Scramble
Everything tastes better inside some eggs.
Laziness Rating: 8/10 (-2 for chopping veggies)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 750
Net Carbs: 15g
Protein: 76g
Fat: 38g

Recipe Type: Main Course
Cooking Time: 15 min
Yields: 1 hefty serving

This Keto-friendly Egg Scramble recipe is truly the definition of lazy. Just toss all of your chopped-up ingredients into a skillet with a few eggs and mix. Scrambles are an especially good option when you have orphaned or half-eaten ingredients sitting around your kitchen.

Leftover chicken? Part of a pepper?  Fillet of fish? Rogue piece of bacon? Toss it all in to some eggs.

I believe you can mix pretty much anything with eggs and create a delicious breakfast, lunch, or dinner. And the best part is, Scrambles only take a few minutes to make. This recipe uses calorie-conscious Chicken Sausage instead of "real" sausages. But some Ketoers seem to get all fussy if you use "fake" ingredients like turkey bacon or chicken sausage. Relax, bros. Feel free to substitute the real thing if you prefer. Either way, this meal is goddamn delicious.

Friday, April 12, 2013

5-Star Sweet & Spicy Keto Salad with Spinach, Peppers, Onions, Sprouts, Cheddar, & Bacon

5-Star Sweet & Spicy Keto Salad with Bacon

5-Star Sweet & Spicy Keto Salad with Bacon
I thought rolling the bacon was a brilliant idea.
Laziness Rating: 6/10 (-4 for chopping a ton of veggies)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 774 (with dressing)
Net Carbs: 24.7g
Protein: 38g
Fat: 51.5g

Recipe Type: Main Course
Cooking Time: 20 min
Yields: 2 hefty servings

Usually, I don't think homemade salads are quite worth the effort. They not only require a lot of fresh veggies, but also enough chopping and mincing to give any amateur chef Carpal Tunnel. But the fact remains that you can't survive the Ketogenic Diet on meat alone.

Vegetables are a key source of fiber and help keep the metabolism going strong. Otherwise a diet filled with meat and cheese can leave you...uh...backed up. So in an attempt to add more vegetables to my own diet, I threw together a salad that I believe is truly worth the effort. It's got a nice mix of sweet and spicy Keto-friendly ingredients and tastes delicious.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Keto Salmon "Life Raft" with Turkey Bacon & Asparagus

Keto Salmon "Life Raft" with Turkey Bacon & Asparagus

Keto Salmon Life-Raft with Turkey Bacon & Asparagus
The Salmon Life Raft is a perfect balance of lazy and tasty.
Laziness Rating: 7/10 (-2 for 3 cooked ingredients)
Delicious Rating: 5 stars based on 1 review
Calories: 555
Net Carbs: 7g (5%)
Protein: 53g (38%)
Fat: 36g (57%)

Recipe Type: Main Course
Cooking Time: 15 min
Yield: 1 Keto-perfect serving

This recipe combines fresh salmon, turkey bacon, and asparagus into an extremely easy and Keto-friendly meal. It's worth noting that almost all the recipes you'll find on this blog are cooked on a simple non-stick skillet/griddle. My apartment has an old gas range (like WW2-era old), so I avoid lighting the pilot because I'm afraid of accidentally blowing up the place (Fight Club style).

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